Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Dear Donald

I mean, truly, America...is the the best we can do? Really?

dear donald:

let me just say up front that you were never my type. i never liked you. never ever. when you were married to ivana i knew you were gonna leave her flat. i knew it. i saw it. when ivana had her face done and lips plumped (pumped?) i knew it was because you wanted younger, sexier, hotter. when you were married to marla i knew - KNEW- it was not the best sex she ever had (thank you NEW YORK POST for THAT HEADLINE) because there is no way you can have sex with a man who has a combover and it be the best sex ever. and then you left her high and DRY, and now you're married to Marvana, or Marlena or Maramar, (or whatever her name is) and i give this marriage maybe a couple of more years. Maybe.  i just never thought of you as 'the guy.' i thought you were arrogant and cocky and full of shit. But you didn't really deeply offend me. Your taste in furnishings offended me, all the gold gilded bathrooms and louis the 14th drapes and marble floors and bathtubs with hot and cold running rubies. But ... that didn't feel personal. Not my taste. i like simple, plain, uncluttered. i like southwestern, you like south of france. 
and i don't like your lips. not only wouldn't i wanna kiss them, i'm awfully offended at what comes out of them. 
you're so not my type. 
i like harvard men.

with no respect what so ever,


Dear America,

Oh, how you exhaust me. I just spent years trying to educate you about the dangers of giving power to a narcissist – especially an ignorant narcissist. Alaska, remember when you voted Palin in to power, and when the accolades weren’t pouring in anymore, she quit? Have we learned nothing here?

Now everyone’s talking about a man who has gold plated sinks, who openly engages in public feuds through “media statements” and twitters, who treats women as nothing more than arm candy, who publicly declares that our President is not an American citizen even though all the proof is before him. Sounds like I’m talking about Kaddafi, but no. I’m talking about someone who calls himself “The Donald”. Yes, the Donald, a reality TV star who recently challenged President Obama’s college records, denying he was even a good student. (Uh, Helloooo? Magna cum laude at Harvard, President of Harvard Law Review? Not difficult information to come by, The Donald. All you had to do was google it.)

If any of you, seriously ANY of you, are truly considering this man as a candidate for the American Presidency, I officially give up on you.
I’ve had it!

Barb and Deb, fluff up the pillows in the guest room. I may be moving to Canada soon.

Disgruntledly yours –


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Here we gooooo....

For a fleeting moment today, I was absolutely giddy. I felt like it was my birthday. No - even better than that. I was ready to put on a party hat and do my Snoopy- dance, confetti falling from the sky, fireworks displays. Pure joy!

Why? Because in addition to President Obama announcing his run for 2012, today The Washington Post released the news that Glenn Beck is ending his show on Fox. Thank you Santa!!! It’s just what I always wanted!

I mean really, can it get any better?

I could hear Schroeder playing the piano…my feet started to shuffle…

But then, I came back to earth as I remembered sitting in a pizza parlor with my son when news broke that Sarah Palin was quitting her job as governor of Alaska. I whooped, I hollered, did my Snoopy-dance. I thought…finally, it’s over.

But nooooo….it’s never over.

President Obama’s run will bring the crazies back in fuller force, and Glenn Beck will just pop up somewhere else, like the Sea Witch at the end of the Little Mermaid. Just when you thought she was a goner, she reemerges from the ocean ten stories tall. Maybe Beck will get a reality show, or start posting apocalyptic tweets on Twitter. With another campaign coming up, you don't think he's going to miss the opportunity to whip people into a mad frenzy, do ya? 

Whatever. Regardless of what the crazies do, we’ve got to stay cool, calm and collected as we near this 2012 campaign. We’ve got to stop approaching politics as a war, and think about the people of this country. We need to look for what both sides can do to bring positive change, and focus on our common desires, rather than our differences.

It is not going to be easy but our objective at iSane is to keep ourselves calm, and hopefully you’ll stay calm with us. Either that or you get really mad then we calm you down. Or maybe you’ll calm us down. Either way, “calm” is the objective. Calm, rational, sane.

So as we move forward into the season of insanity, we invite you to get on board with us, … and maybe bring some dramamine or something, ‘cause I have a feeling it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.